Off Air: Episode 2 – Can’t Move Past Grief

Grief is serious business. As we age, it becomes significantly more prevalent.

In our grief episode Nathan, the 40AF audio producer, said that death was unnatural. However, when talking to a wise friend after the episode aired, she made a brilliant point. To her, death is the most natural experience we have. Birth and death. They are what nature is made of. Everything living dies eventually. It just does.

Loss is always possible. Nothing is ever ours. The only truth is the knowledge that we will experience grief and hopefully joy as well. Joy is pleasing, but grief with its unpredictability, changes you for better or worse. Ben, our grief episode expert, said as much. He is right.

7 months ago, at age 41, grief changed me. I think that the past 3 months have been a wake-up call. My life, heart and soul went through some of the most intense darkness and light that I have ever experienced to date. When Pam died. When Pam died. When Pam died. I can’t even finish that sentence. It just all changed.

Fast forward to last night. This was the best Halloween to date. Our new neighborhood is fantastic. It is diverse and fun. My eldest got to play basketball while he passed out candy like a kid much bigger than I am ready for. My youngest, the dog and I walked a couple streets until the boy was tired. He does not have much stamina, but it was the best two streets. I met new friends. Both of my children played outside tonight. And there was candy. It just can’t get better than that.

I wish I could tell all of this to Pam.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *