Creating this podcast has been a winding road. From lost episodes due to faulty equipment and miscommunication, crappy emails that messed up, to even thank you notes sent to the wrong person, I have made a lot of mistakes during this process. However, I have owned my errors, learned from them and continued to forge ahead. Below is a little about becoming 40 AF.
In August 2018, I went to Virginia Beach with Todd, my husband. I was ready with guns blazing to talk to him about our marriage, how we were going to fix our kids and who was going to do the dishes. I was over it! Fed up, I’d had enough. Thankfully, before I created an agenda for our nights away, I called my sister. She said, “what if you just enjoy your weekend?” Mind blown. I realized that if I came to this vacation ready to get shit done, I was going to ruin this chance to forget our stresses and reconnect. At the start of our weekend, we made a promise to not talk about anything that was serious. No to-do lists, no blame game. We made a pact to just enjoy each other, good food and sunshine. On that trip, I took hold of the happiness I’ve been trying to find all my life. I realized that I am happy with me. I am enough. Separate of Todd and our kids, I am.
I finally recognized a gift I have been trying to use for good for as long as I can remember. The gift of empathy and interest. I felt compelled to do something to show others that I care about them. A podcast was the best method I could think of to do that. I called my co-worker Marie (with whom I have been through the trenches of customer service) and the effort to get 40 AF off the ground began.
This has been the most challenging venture I have ever tried to embark upon. I thought I would have this insane talent, always have been destined for the stage. Yeah…caviar dreams and vegetarian gut.
Even for how challenging this has been, how many times I’ve been told it’s a pipe dream, for the first time in life, I have confidence of self. Life is not about people who don’t believe in you. I understand now that life is about believing in yourself.